Church Fundraiser Participation Gifts

'It was all she had to offer, vicar.'

"We only got six days of funding."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

"That's our new church mascot."

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

The nonprofit dog fight.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

"What are we doing wrong?"

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

Professional Fund Riasers

Baptism - "Actually he's quite looking forward to it."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fund raiser."

'Profit or non-profit?'

Appeals

'So then the alien stepped out of the UFO and said that he was a fundraiser from another planet, which was quite novel, I thought.'

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'