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John panics as he realizes being first to put money in the offering means people will know how much he gave.

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Hildegard von Bingen

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"That's our new church mascot."

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

Four Chanting Monks

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Hallelujah!

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Keyboard in Front of a Organ

Hymns - Optional Extras

Vicar

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

Heavenly voices.

Pope Francis

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will never see him in church on Sunday again."

Please follow safe worship practices.