Church Choir Pillows

Goodwill To All Men - and Bankers!

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Hildegard von Bingen

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Verger Works

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'Let us pray...'

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

How's my sermon. . .

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

United Church of OMG

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'