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If Adam and Eve were Baptist.

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Vicar

"Son of God or not, no one comes to church dressed like that."

Pope Francis

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Heavenly voices.

Hymns - Optional Extras

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

Yeah? Well my father's better at prayers

Peter makes another attempt to go to Jesus.

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

Please follow safe worship practices.

'I'm pleased to see my flock ignoring E.U. health and safety regulations!'

"And remember, there's only one in management. The rest of us are in sales."

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

SOARING BILL

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will never see him in church on Sunday again."

'Buy you new equipment? Are you kidding? Our budget is already so tight that we have a kazooist because we can't afford an organ.'