Chronic Ailment Adviser T-Shirts

"His knee is very painful for me to keep hearing about."

Be Healthy

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

Govt. UK led by Seance

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

Food Pyramid.

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

"Now they're saying shiny things attached to hooks are bad for you."

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

Vaping cigarette

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

Enormous obesity report.

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

'I'm going to prescribe a new diabetic medication. It's a bit costly. I'll start you off with fifty dollars a week.'

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

Group Insurance/Vitamins

"Our marriage is like the Middle East conflict combined with North and South Korea."

'Take god care of your bacteria! it may well be the only culture you'll ever have....'

"I'm a doctor from the future, with revolutionary health advice. Exercise, drink plenty of water and eat your veggies."

"You're my second opinion. . . my wife was my first."

"Trust me, we did the right thing, those cruise ships can be a hot-bed of germs."

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

'We couldn't afford health care any longer so you better start eating better!'

Government Health Advisory

"And this is Nurse Frobisher who will be giving you guidance on your weight issues in a manner I can only describe as ironic!"