Christmas Subverter Pillows

Santa, red in tooth and claw.

"Can't we ride off in another direction?"

Christmas tree exchange

Eating ice cream.

The Bland Leading the Bland

"Hiya, sweetie! Don’t mind us..!" "We’re here to protect you from boys in girls restrooms..!" "What’s in the basket..?"

'Nothing says Christmas like a game of 'Death Slayer 4'.'

"Harvey's staying with shoulders."

'Ah ha, just as I expected...BOOM!'

"I'm off carbs, dairy and fat. Basically I order a pizza and eat the box."

Frosty Had It Coming, See?

'Gay Squirrels!'

'I see you opened it yourself, but there'll still be a service charge.'

"He's growing up too fast. Instead of hearing a fairytale, he wants to know about rights in the workplace."

Xmas wrapping paper blower.

Dueling Christmas Lights

'You can never have too many fairy lights!'

"Come on, what's Christmas without special effects?"

Wedding Car Cans chase down a car.

"All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call me names..."

'We had a strand running down the middle of the front steps and some idiot walked on 'em.'

"I hate poems. They're boring and pretentious."

'The first Santa to consume one thousand warm beers and one thousand pieces of fruit cake without barfing wins the Santa apprenticeship!'

"Please, Mr. Herrkof is so formal. Just call me Lord and Master."

"Where does he get all his ideas?"

"I am glad to see you are finally putting the holiday items away."

Christmas Lights

"Yes, it's a girls drink. But the fact that I'm an alcoholic makes it hardcore."

"And here's where we make toys for bad little boys and girls!"