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'Where were the wise women?'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Media press pack outside stable where Jesus is born

It happened on Christmas Eve

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

Christmas Tree Decorated with Books.

'My dad, says you're not the real Santa. He said, you're just some fella off the dole.'

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

While Shepherds watched their flocks by night

"I'm getting a CAT scan after Christmas."

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

Today, Human Rights Watch sued a man named Santa Claus for discrimination against his employees by calling them 'dwarfs'.

"Just another silly programme this Christmas."

The oft-forgotten Three Old Wines who didn't quite manage to follow the star.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

"And this is where the magic happens."

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

Twas 6 days before Christmas when Santa heard a ker-plunk! He rushed to the door, and found the ice cap had shrunk...

What really happened to the Virgin Mary.

"My lawyer will present my case that I was definitely 'nice'."

Santa Sucks

Santa Claus

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."