Christmas Cheer Aficionado Gifts

It was rumoured that Santa did the occasional favour the mafia.

"Well you started it."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Reindeer

"That's ridiculous. A red nose wouldn't work as a GPS system."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Gesundheit!"

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

Love wine

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

'Red for me, please.'

Bling Crosby.

'Two, four, six, eight Who do we appreciate ,,,'

Father Christmas deciding whether the Tory Party are naughty or nice.

"Christmas day or nor, it was under the tree! How could you expect me not to peek?"

Christmas is fun...but as soon as the holidays are over I'm heading down to Florida for the sun.

Elf and Safety: 'Have you got a seat belt on that thing?'

'I fixed it so we got the night off!'

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

Kringle: The Decca Years

364 days a year jobless. Please help!

'computer says no.....el!'

Christmas Fatigue.

"What did you think we do after the holidays?"

"Ever had one of those days where you don't feel the least bit jolly?"

"Then I said, let's stay with Santa's sleigh, but nooo ... you wanted to see a Rangers game!"

'You know how 'method' Charles is . . .'

'His red nose turned out to be malignant...!!!'

Jack-in-the-box Santa jumps out of cookie jar with list of good little boys and girls.

"He had a list of women... He was sneaking out to their houses at night, giving them gifts..."

"This is the time of the year when you really have to stay on your toes about being good."