Christianity Chuckler Pillows

The Last Supper in a restaurant.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"Jesus is not here. Let's check the one over..."

Various Birds of Pray.

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

Honk if you Love Jesus

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"...lettuce pray."

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Seats in all parts!"

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'