Childhood Finance Enthusiast Pillows

'Seven. How old were you when you got your first credit card application in the mail?'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

MUM! No one wanted to buy my cowpats

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

Money Plant.

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'