Childbirth Connoisseur T-Shirts

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

Maternity Ward

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

'Strained Carrots Again? What am I being punished for this time?'

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'How many fingers do you see?'

Preparing for a new arrival

In the club.

Maternity Hospital

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Giving Birth

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

'Well, he certainly has his Father's vocabulary.'

No bottle feeding.

'Forget the wheel. Invent diapers.'

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."

"My owners aren't baby talking to me anymore. I'm going to be replaced by a real baby!"