Chicken-hearted Aircrew Pillows

'I appreciate you desire to volunteer with Pilots Without Borders, but being a flightless bird you haven't enough flying hours to qualify with us.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"Would you like some wings?"

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Two airplanes

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

Airport

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'He's still following us, Don.'

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

'Will that be coach?'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

Safest Airline in The World

"Bev sure takes the last leg literally."

Deicing on the cake.

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

Christmas Flights

"I don't know what's so funny. All I asked was whether this was their only flight today."

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

The Island Of Lost Luggage.

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'