Cheeky Elf In Training Pillows

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

Poisson d'Avril!

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"Don't even think about it."

'Here Coco. It's another prescription for laughter to be filled.'

Accept cookies?

"Well? Have I hit it yet?"

Christmas Chopin

'This closet needs digitized.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

"This dog has wheels!"

Elf on the Top Shelf

WHO THREW THAT?

"By the time I count to 10, you'd better be doing your math homework!"

Really? Santa won't stop at your house if you're not asleep on Christmas eve? That sounds like a sort of entrapment to me!

"Do you really think this will work?"

Naughty-ometer.

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

We're fine, although I think Bob may be going through a middle-ages crisis.

High School Science Project Competition

'An email blast has coverage, but blowdarts have coverage.'

'Now, cut that out!'

"Think about it, you already look like a duck: If I can teach you to quack like a duck, we'll be able to carry out serious pranks!"

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"I'd suggest cutting back on the practical joking and to ask people not to pull your finger so hard."

'Bob, I think I hate people.'

Do you have health insurance ?