Cheapskates United T-Shirts

"No luggage."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Is that neat whisky?"

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'Why pay the airline $7.00 for a beer, when I can get a drone to deliver 6 for the same price?'

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Sod orf, midges...

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

"All we are saying. . . is give peas a chance!"

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

'This man has some sort of complaint about the pie his wife bought at the PTA bake sale, sir.'

'I dread holidays when we slash prices at the Dollar Store.'

"My computer isn't working again! I regret paying the full $5 for it at the garage sale."

"Oh, that's my Uncle Walter. He wanted his head cryogenically frozen, but it was way too expensive!"

"Nora and me are doing a bake sale to fight world hunger!"

Thrift: Get back at the mafia and eat the free horse's head.

Shaving Blades