Cheapskate Antics T-Shirts

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Is that neat whisky?"

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

STRIP "Looks like the escalators on the blink again"

Sod orf, midges...

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

'That's eleven..!!' ( 10 items or less counter ).

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

"No luggage."

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

"Well, time to do what we came here to do...our homework."

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

"Did you hear? A bunch of girls went through our neighborhood last night shoe-polishing our cars."

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'

"My computer isn't working again! I regret paying the full $5 for it at the garage sale."

'I dread holidays when we slash prices at the Dollar Store.'

"Oh, that's my Uncle Walter. He wanted his head cryogenically frozen, but it was way too expensive!"

Thrift: Get back at the mafia and eat the free horse's head.