Chat Stopper Aficionado T-Shirts

'As usual, the tie-break proved something of a conversation stopper.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"Could I ask just one question?"

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

Woman on the phone.

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

Attention Span Man

'I don't care what your chat group says. I say you're becoming overly dependent on technological gadgetry.'

Big Talk/Small Talk.

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

'I'm tired of all the small talk.'

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

"Both the movie and I will be released this summer."

'As a teleworker Colin sometimes struggled against feelings of isolation.'

"It's just a dinner table conversation. Must you refer to it as 'Talking Off-line'."