Chat Show Fan Prints

Today on Oprah: Couples who are Not Having Extra-Marital Affairs

"And after the break, I'd like to show everyone a clip from my latest film."

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

Applause

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

Woman on the phone.

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"The days of 'herding cats' are over: my friends and I meet through video-conferencing now..."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

Retired Talk Show Host.

Joe Hundredaire

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

"I understand you've learned some new tricks since you were here last."

"Both the movie and I will be released this summer."

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

'As a teleworker Colin sometimes struggled against feelings of isolation.'