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Rat interviewed on a Sports Chatshow.

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Zombie standup

Children's Parties

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

Lesser known greek gods,

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

The First Fire Stick

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Stairlift around cliff face.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"