Charmingly Unattached Pillows

Married man talking to a bachelor.

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Think of it as a big puddle."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"...then finally, I got serious and started a band."

Is your glass half full or half empty? Who cares, fill her up!

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Running

"Look before I leap - always. 'Think' before I leap - never!"

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Wowie-zowie, huh, guys?"

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

"It's always a good time to have a good time!"

Wearing bras in 2020.

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"This is where I come to unwind."

Weathervanes.

"You and your lists! You're missing out on life."

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

'Dude, I got the rest of the day off, so I'll be able to go riding after all!'

Proposal on a snowboard

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

"Do you have anything that will help me get rid of an irritating mantra?"

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

Living on the Wild Side

'Hey man that's a gas!'

'All right, who broketh the window!'

'I'm at the point in life where I don't care about the past, I live in the moment.'