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Muse/Museli

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'Anorak anoraks'.

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Information booth attendant solves equation

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

Hans Holbein

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Will Self deprecation

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

How to create a brilliant cartoon

"This was Professor Brunzberg's office. He spent half his life trying to solve this equation and the other half he has spent wondering who actually cares about this crap."

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'

Musical Prodigy

Modern Nursery Rhymes

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

"I decided to burn all my previous napkins and start fresh."

Writer’s Corner

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'