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Muse/Museli

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'Anorak anoraks'.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Information booth attendant solves equation

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

Hans Holbein

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Will Self deprecation

"This was Professor Brunzberg's office. He spent half his life trying to solve this equation and the other half he has spent wondering who actually cares about this crap."

Musical Prodigy

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'

How to create a brilliant cartoon

Modern Nursery Rhymes

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

"I decided to burn all my previous napkins and start fresh."

Writer’s Corner

Anna Burns

Screenwriters, Inc. Send this revised script to Rupert Murdoch! Right! I'll fax the fix to Fox!

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

A pen spewing letters