Celestial Porch Humorist T-Shirts

"Another near-death experience."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

God Sneezes Out Creation

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

Clown God

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Water is discovered on the moon....

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

Guru.

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

Halo Frisbee.

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"