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The Further Temptations of Kenneth Starr

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

Boarway Show

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"When the boss says jump, I say how high."

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

"Your Honor, despite being on trial, may I sit in on deliberations?"

"Your Honor, Mr. Jones is a waiter and claims he thought the $75,000 in stolen bank funds were left for a tip."

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

"You want to be a lawyer, do you? That could be construed as obstruction of justice!"

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

Crucial testimony in the case of Cinderella vs. the Association of Fairy Godmothers.

Before it even began this would become one of the longest trials on record.

'I guess there's a lack of big trials. Court TV is carrying a tennis match.'

"The jury doesn't want to visit the crime site again, your honor. They want to go to Disneyland instead!"

"Of course I stand behind my work, counselor. I'm a proctologist."

'You're innocent until proven guilty, young fellow -- better enjoy it while you can!'

'... And you'll be pleased to learn that my fees are reassuringly expensive.'

Fatuous, Vacuous & Superfluous: celebrity lawyers.

Attorneys - Practice Limited To Big Juicy Cases.

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

Nate was Martha Stewart's biggest fan. 'Hi, I'm Nate. I love all your work.I can't tell you how excited I am to finally meet you!'

'Your Honor, we the jury have leapt to a conclusion.'

'Oh yeah? Well, Murphy's law doesn't apply here.'

'There's no 'i' in team ... but there's plenty in litigation.'

Manure Rights

'Weren't you listening? -- I said NOT guilty!'

'You know a little something about the legal system. I like that in a lawyer.'

'While my practice is limited to celebrities, I occasionally represent a 'nobody' to prove the system works for one and all.'

"I've lost face."