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"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Pope tarts.

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"Does the ark have wifi?"

Sermon Applause.

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"And in the beginning Mary begat a little lamb"

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Holy Guacamole.

"This is a beta test, right?"

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

The Pope

Monkey's Ejected from the Garden of Eden

'I appreciate you enthusiasm...but please stop doing the Wave.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

'I know it's all the rage with jazz musicians and pop singers, Twiddlecock - but choristers?'