Cat Psychologist T-Shirts

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

Licensed Therapist

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Sober Tooth Tiger

"It slowly dawned on Edwin who exactly had stolen his steroids."

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"Don't you worry about me. I always land on my feet."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Do you guys want to go for a walk?"

"Meow."

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Wonders of evolution: Same face, totally different meaning.