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Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Whaling

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Projectile hairballing."

Hell No Kitty

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

Cat laughs at 'Ameowsing Cat Jokes.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

'Oh no! That's not litter! It's quicksand!!'

'I hate surprises!'

Cat Lover's Leap.

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

"Each of my previous books had nine editions."

'According to the latest data, our social media post rankings are staying fairly consistent with consumers, hovering just below cat shaming memes.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

'You know, if you cleaned the litter box more often, you wouldn't have to wear the hazmat suit.'

"That's the pill I gave the cat this afternoon!"

Cat Desk Organizers: In, Out, Eat, Sleep.

'It all started when she started playing with the ball of yarn.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chopping board.

The Cat That Swallowed the... no, it was the other way round.

'Yes, I did watch three pay-per-view movies while you were gone. Just how long did you expect a ball of yarn to entertain me?'

Inky marks his territory the new and improved way.

Cat Nightmares

'Overslept? You're a cat. How could you possibly oversleep?'

"Oops, sorry new guy, I guess I forgot to mention he's not a morning person..."

"Dear Diary, finished reading the novel, got a bit of weeding done, had 'The Big Conversation' with the wife… HA! Just kidding. Slept."

"He expects us to climbdown first."

"Give me a minute—I'm working on my core."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Air Craft Carrier

'Mr Reynolds, you can't count your litter box as a deduction just because you do your business there.'

"Marcia, how many lives do I have left?"

"I don't care what they say...they don't really want you to think outside the box."

Cards For Cats.