Casual Conversationist Prints

The only two things I never eat for breakfast are lunch and dinner.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

Snow is falling...

"This is amazing! Roughly translated, it says 'King Tut was here o.k.'"

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Just a little heads up!

The Schmoozy Reaper

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'I drink to bring about change.'

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

"What if I tried again with an English accent?"

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"

"I hate rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?"

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

'Sam's not really a seafaring man but he can yo-ho-ho with the best of them.'

'Is it just me, or is it REALLY temperate in here?'

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."