Castle Fanatics T-Shirts

'Help pay motoring fine - anyone want to buy a Scottish castle?'

I like the Jets...I guess

Children's Parties

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Early model of baggage claim"

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

"Can I still do my pilates?"

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

Oh, the armor is state of the art

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

The best goalie in the world!

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

Fairytale prince and princess

David and Goliath.

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

"Oh no! - Here comes the National Trust again!!"

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."