Casting Director Wannabe Prints

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Director/Action Man toy.

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Reese Witherspoon

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"Which part are you reading for?"

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

'I'll never let my love of fishing come between us.'

'We'll send you to acting class when you're older. For now, get up and get ready for school.'

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

Ye Editor. It’s a little downbeat, Will. How about making it a comedy and changing the name from "Othello" to "The Moor, The Marry-er"?

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Charlotte Rampling

Casting in the swamp.

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Casting Director

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

"Of course, there's Macbeth and the pantomine season...."