Caregiver Comedy Collector Pillows

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Banana Split...

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

"The Eggsorcist"

E-Baying @ The Moon

Turtle Hat

Filet minion

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

Snowmobull

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

A trevor of trainspotters

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"Whose the new guy?"

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'ANYTHING to get down the ruddy boozer!'

The embarrassment of mistaking a salon for a saloon.

Rent a Room With Hot Water