Career Switch Enthusiast Pillows

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

'I always wanted to be a ballet dancer - but here at the call-centre I've discovered my true vocation!'

'Realistically, retirement planning means upgrading your skills and attending a seminar on resume preparation.'

'And when I was fifteen, I ran away from the circus to join an accounting firm.'

'At first if you don't succeed, try management.'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Caged Businessman

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

'Cat job interviews.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Then after the pan our third album, we split for musical differences..'

'Once upon a time there was a really lousy editor name Sue. Sue was lazy and stupid, so she was fired, and her boss lived happily ever after. The end.'

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

"Any experience?"

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'

'The bad news, Pomeroy, is tht we're giving your job to your secretary -- the good news is that she wants you to stay on as her secretary!'

When staffing agencies screw up.

Respected Professionals

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

The job is yours if you want it – but, of course, I'd expect you to sleep on it a few dozen times before deciding.

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'I'm hereby giving my two week notice and taking my last two weeks of vacation. I could use a positive reference. Thanks.'

Glenn Hoddle

'So what you're telling me is you've been fired from the last 15 jobs you had.'

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

"Sorry I'm late again, boss. I got held up in self-doubt and regrets."