Career Strategist Pillows

"'Lunch'? Well, yes - but what are your long-term goals?"

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Students who major in these subjects have a 7% less chance of moving back in with their parents after graduation.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'I'm writing an article about intuition of women in business.' - 'Just as I thought.'

"I'm not against public service. I just think I can do more damage in the private sector."

"Tom, it's come to my attention that you're trolling for a better job, using your company computer."

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

'Yes, we have flex time...except when it's not convenient.'

'It's good you called me when you did, Bill. Believe it or not, a little speed-bump like this can derail a perfectly good career if it isn't handled just right!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'OK, Mr Henman, apart from hitting balls into a net what oher skills do you have?'

"Eagle Scout is not enough, son - you've got to learn a trade."

"Hello, sir, I'm Charles Henderson, and I'm head of a successful executive search company."

"Think of it as a career move."

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

'My father's recipe for success was honesty and hard-work - luckily, I ignored it.'

"Fellow M.B.A. graduates of the Class of '91—hey, what can I say?"

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

"You see, the other guys can do the hunting and gathering, and we'll be the POLITICIANS!"

Career Paths Inc.

'I hear Jenkins is going after your job...'

'Impressive résumé. Any character references, mom?'

"As a matter of fact my Ph.D. is in entry-level jobs."

Do you have any other skills?

'If I'd known you were looking for someone without experience, I wouldn't have exaggerated my abilities.'

'To achieve anything you must start at the bottom and work upwards.'

Climbing the New Ladder of Success.

Rejected resumes.

"I've found a sprinkling of warmth and humility is vital in keeping people slightly off balance."

"Sorry about that resumé. I haven't had much call recently for words or math."

"I went to my college class reunion. Everyone else is unemployed."

'The answer is politics. In your manic state you can go out campaigning and in your depressive state you can stay in the office.'