Career Strategist Pillows

"'Lunch'? Well, yes - but what are your long-term goals?"

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

'Students who major in these subjects have a 7% less chance of moving back in with their parents after graduation.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'I'm writing an article about intuition of women in business.' - 'Just as I thought.'

"I'm not against public service. I just think I can do more damage in the private sector."

"Tom, it's come to my attention that you're trolling for a better job, using your company computer."

"Eagle Scout is not enough, son - you've got to learn a trade."

'Yes, we have flex time...except when it's not convenient.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

'It's good you called me when you did, Bill. Believe it or not, a little speed-bump like this can derail a perfectly good career if it isn't handled just right!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Fellow M.B.A. graduates of the Class of '91—hey, what can I say?"

Career Paths Inc.

"Sorry about that resumé. I haven't had much call recently for words or math."

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

"I've found a sprinkling of warmth and humility is vital in keeping people slightly off balance."

"You see, the other guys can do the hunting and gathering, and we'll be the POLITICIANS!"

'My father's recipe for success was honesty and hard-work - luckily, I ignored it.'

"Think of it as a career move."

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

Do you have any other skills?

'I hear Jenkins is going after your job...'

'If I'd known you were looking for someone without experience, I wouldn't have exaggerated my abilities.'

'The answer is politics. In your manic state you can go out campaigning and in your depressive state you can stay in the office.'

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

'To achieve anything you must start at the bottom and work upwards.'

'Impressive résumé. Any character references, mom?'

"Hello, sir, I'm Charles Henderson, and I'm head of a successful executive search company."

"I went to my college class reunion. Everyone else is unemployed."

"As a matter of fact my Ph.D. is in entry-level jobs."

"What can you do that my smartphone can't?"

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"