Career Optimizer T-Shirts

Resume Advisor. I'm not sure "internet troll" is a resume enhancer.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

Between Offices

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

Working 9 to 5.

"It's been hell since you went into animation."