Career Development Pillows

"First of all, forget everything you learned in obedience school."

"It's come to my attention, Wycliff, that you're actually planning a life outside the office."

"You said I'd be part of a team."

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

'You are here.'

Ok class, these career path suggestions are based on the personality assessments you all took last week...

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'When I asked if you were flexible, Mrs. Harkness, I was asking about your hours!'

"The salary is negotiable, take it or leave it."

I want you to assess your own abilities on a scale of one to ten, - 'Okay,' - 'Intelligence,' - 'Five,' - 'Confidence' - 'Five,' - 'Social Skills' - 'Five,' - 'Why do you think you've rated them all as five' - 'I forgot to ask if ten was good or bad,'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"When do the training wheels come off?"

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

'Of course, the first rule of effective management is active participation.'

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

Future MBA - 'We weren't cheating. We were consulting.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Where do I see myself in five years? If you ask one more stupid question, prison.'

Management self help books: "He's staring at me, do you think he's having some kind of seizure?" "Managing negotiations chapter 3, 'maintain eye contact whilst reinforcing image of strength and warmth'"

'We're looking for someone who's comfortable taking risks.'

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

Tenure.

'My ability to adapt is the key to my success.'

"At the moment I'm torn between the emotionally rewarding but poorly resourced role of a social worker or a more intellectualy rigorous career in quantum physics."

'Long term I want to enhance my leadership skills and ascend the corporate ladder. Short term I want a mocha latte.'

The key to landing a good job is patience, persistence and timing. And networking.

'Well, SURE they'd like me to come up with bold and innovative ideas...but I've got a career to protect!'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

"Besides caring too much? I'd probably have to go with Kryptonite."

"I really believe my research abilities would be an asset to whatever this company is called."

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'