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The Joys of Retraining

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Staff support"

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

International Women's Day.

Reach for the Star.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

Pipe Dream.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"At this office no two days are different."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

I'm a self-made man!

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'