Career Coach Enthusiast Gifts

"You say your biggest faults are working too hard and blind loyalty to your employer. What do you take me for… An idiot?"

Boss's Office. He said if my work continues to suffer he'll have to put it out its misery.

'This is called waiting by the phone for months.'

'Ahh. I see you've had a great deal of experience in the welfare sector.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Work/Life Balance

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

What else is there to wish for?

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

YOLO vs YODO

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

Between Offices

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'