
"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."
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"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."
Press Freedom
"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."
'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'
Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo
Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...
"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."
'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'
The House Always Wins
Burning the Other
Victims of War
Iraq War Correspondency on a Budget
ISIS needle in a haystack.
"What should I say this is about?"
'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'
Sally Jessy Raphael
'Peace' in our time.
Dog's Loo
"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."
"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."
In Other News, Owls. Owl News Now. Here Owls. Owl Time.
'A long-awaited government shake-up: A 'ditto-head' will replace a 'yes-man'...A 'croney' will replace an 'insider'...'
"Sit!"
The press under fire
'War, drought, famine, diseases: Boy I love the news...'
'Shame on you! Stop torturing the poor Palestinians, you nazi-like, baby killing war monger!'
"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."
Nancy Wake -French resistance fighter WW11
'This one is for being the TV war commentator who didn't blast Rumsfeld.'
Breaking news
"The good news today is that there is no news."
Dogs at Dog Show Judging the Judges.
Fighting Them Over There
'Sorry, guys, but we can't go in until we've got real time media coverage.'
"Well, then why don't the British just borrow Major Eliot from the Herald Tribune."
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