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'Can I choose which brick you name after me?'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Don't you hate...

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

"About these experiements of yours into genetic cloning, Bond" boomed the Headmaster, "They must cease immediately"

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

"I hope that this is just a riot of passage."

University Challenge

"You see 'The Man' devised this shrewd plan so more people can go to college and become doctors and lawyers and stuff. Now that they're 'productive members of society,' revolution is the last thing on their minds! I plan to make that my doctoral thesis wh

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

Uni. Snowflake Library

Undergraduate and don

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."