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"Your defeat in the election is due to your parents, not us!"

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

The Berlin Peace Movement

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'In a surprise move, Greece decided to peg its currency against the Baklava.'

"Rescue...we've come to join you."

'Hi. Due to the regulation fervor, I'm one of the clowns from Washington here to tell you how to run your business.'

New York Corruption - Auditor Watson's Death, and Suspicions on Broadway Works Project

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Totalitarian Humour

Vladimir Putin Pulling Trump Across The Table By His Tie

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

'Steve says that he doesn't understand why the liberals are so glum! They already have a majority.'

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

"How is it in Russia?"

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"Ok, ok, climate change is not a hoax!"

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'Poor Americans...If this includes intellectual torture, they'll have to cancel 70 of their Hollywood productions...' (Caption may be modified.)

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Sire, they also want dental."

"This swamp is much too beautiful to drain.".

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

'Verily, Noah, the flood I am about to unleash is retribution for Tory defections to UKIP!'

"Worst budget cuts ever!"