Caged Comedian Mugs

"I don't care what you say when she leaves the cage door open there's a helluva draught"

"Ahhh... close enough."

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"That explains all the cavities."

When staffing agencies screw up.

Interpretive Dental Hygiene

'I've got the answers to the test written on my hands and arms. It's old school artificial intelligence.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"That was a boring field trip."

Convict Decor

How scientists classify the Elements vs how students classify the Elements.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"So how long will it take to grow?"

Actually without the mask, I look a lot like Brad Pitt

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'If you can overlook the newspaper on the floor, this isn't bad for a starter home.'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Well, that's what we get for listening to reason.'

'Some gagwriter you turned out to be!'

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'