Caffeine Cutter T-Shirts

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

"I've decided to make myself another cup of coffee!"

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Is plagiarism the same as value adding?

'Doesn't it feel good to be taking care of our planet?'

Running Latte

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

In the great green room there was a pot of coffee and a red-eyed dad, too. Good Morning Moon.

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

'Due to concerns about Global Warming...I'm through with cooking.'

The Atkins Diet.

"I'm back for my booster."

Next Coffee Shop 4M

'What happened mom? I thought you were on a low-carb diet?'

"I have used this unexpected stay-at-home time to get really good at new skills."

IT department/Cup of T department.

This Green and Pleasant Landfill.

"Decaf... I distinctly ordered DECAF."

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if I could borrow a little work?"

'All finished. Just the way you like it.'

Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. Coming up. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. And can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going

In the calorie family: 'You're home early?'....'Mrs. Harrison has started dieting again!'

'That's why I put on weight! All I eat is carbs!'

"Keeping all your money in a cigar box is not wise. You should keep it in a coffee can hidden behind the TV, like me!"

The psychology behind your desire to quit caffeine is fascinating. You say it's because you worry caffeine makes you a high-strung, ranting liberal but I think there's more going on. You'd rather blame caffeine than blame Hannity, Ingraham and other conservatives. If they're responsible for your rants then you've put them in control of your life. Analogously, I don't credit Jessica Simpson with my insomnia. How does this meathead come up with this stuff?

"You need to cut down on the caffeine."

"Traditionally, you cut the bottom layer at the wedding reception, the middle layer at your first child's Christening, and the top layer to celebrate your divorce settlement."