Cafeteria Comedy Lover Pillows

"We use the cheapest ingredients and pass the savings on to you."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"It'll never be ready in time."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"Go on in—he's expecting you."

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

'Accounting has suggested we standardize our billing procedure.'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

'Due to company cutbacks, you won't be getting that raise. However, to earn extra money, I can hire you to wash my corporate jet.'

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"