Cafe Dwellers T-Shirts

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

Today's special... donuts.

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Non-Power Breakfast

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

National Coffee Day

Coffee

Wifi whore

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

Coffee Menu

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

Choice hellhole

"Come in, minion."

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'