Busy Professional Pillows

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"Please hold my calls."

Of COURSE I hate to rush around all the time! But I do it so I won't have to hurry later!

'You can't fully appreciate doing nothing unless you have a lot of jobs you should be doing. . .'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"All I can say is thank goodness for teleconferencing."

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

The Evolution of the Bonus