Business Strategy Buffs Pillows

'Next time keep the Justice Department and the SEC in mind when you're thinking outside the box.'

Corporate Ethics

'Frenzy Corp: 20,000 people in 14 countries working themselves into a flippin' nervous breakdown so that your every whim is satisfied.

Hollywood Sign Developers

"If we cut our dividend, reduce inventory, and time travel to the 13th century, we should be able to last another year."

Business plan.

'Just wanted to step in say: we have a great consulting firm on this floor.'

"400 pages - and they all say 'don't start your own business'. . ."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Robot Parts $5

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."