Business Ethics Critic Pillows

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'When Bob returns with the ketchup we'll discuss staff paperclip wastage.'

'From time to time we like to upgrade our mission statement.'

"Please don't think of it as a bribe, but rather a large sum of money given to ensure you throw lots of business our way."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

Water company bonus.

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I don't care if you are the CEO of a large oil company, you can't claim your soul as a business loss.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

Nepotism

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

'You US firms think that money can buy everything...but what price an you put on loyalty, integrity, how could you compensate me for losing my friends?'

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

Larry's snout was as clean as a whistle...this made some a little edgy.

'Not to toot my own horn, but I'm widely considered to be the spiritual godfather of all the corrupt, arrogant, obscenely overpaid and ultimately disastrous CEOs so prevalent in the past hundred years!'

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."