Business Buzzkill Pillows

'Or, to put it in layman's terms, it's a major buzzkill.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

"You're all redundant."

Corporate pirate.

Before we begin, would somebody please bring Jenkins up to speed?

'I think I've found what's causing the radio's funny buzzing sound.'

'Drive 'em wild with the sweet scent of net profits exceeding forecasts due to higher gross margins and cost-cutting.'

"Well, now it's been explained to you, 'Market Share' does not mean we want to share the market."

Pension planning for Brexit

Boss, I've got a new idea. And it will totally empower on-demand collaboration and idea-sharing. Not again. It'll synergistically maintain error-free catalysts for change, while progressively meshing stand-alone methods of reconceptualization. Look, I've already told you. You're not getting a raise, not matter how much business jargon you use. But an extra $2 an hour would dramatically generate error-free opportunities for a tax deduction. No means no.

'And that's not all, everyone in the audience today is going home with a brand new Buick!!! Oh wait...That's next Tuesday.'

The dream works when the team works

"Head office says that transparency in communicating internally and with clients is of paramount importance..."

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

Business Cliches

"O.K. Will somebody please bring me up to date?"

'Your report captures the long and short of it, O'Toole; but it's lacking in breadth and depth.'

"This project is evolving well, going forward."

"I bring you ten faith-based initiatives

'Coffee overload.'

"What are the prevailing winds?"

Bow first.

'I guess you lost me, Hank, at the point where we jump to light speed, travel back in time and undo the stupid merger that's causing all of our current problems!'

"Frank, you need to start thinking outside the box."

'We're not like other companies, Bill. We actually LIVE our mission statement! Why don't you join us?' 'Get serious, Tom. Your company's mission statement is so vague, slick & devoid of substance that it could be used to justify anything!'

"Eskimos have 100 words for snow. Marketing has 100 ways to say 'New and Improved.'"

"Did I say 'Yada Yada Yada?' My mistake! This is the 'Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom' portion of my presentation!"

'I wish you'd show so much passion at home!'