Business Buffoonery T-Shirts

Sales chart shows sales going downhill.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

Death Boss

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

Boardroom cream pies.

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

"Here we mark our data points, but the real fun is connecting the dots!"

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'