Business Buffoonery Lover Pillows

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"It all looks fine to me."

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'