Business Buffoonery Fan Prints

Hostile takeovers in the novelty business.

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

Scapegoat of the Year

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"It's a swearbox."

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Personally, I always had a feeling we'd land on our feet.

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."