Bureaucratic Satirist Pillows

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

Historic Rock/Famous Rock

Staff care...DOH style!

"We appreciate your insights Norman but the firm has reached the stage where we need actual ideas."

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Quality Control

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

Why the discovery of the New World took longer than expected.

"You have a valid social security number, a photo ID, and a credit score. As far as I'm concerned, you exist."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

I might have granted your loan request, if it wasn't written on a beer mat.

God's Office.

Excessive Paperwork

'We're downsizing the Pentagon into a triangle.'

"To give him credit...normally I think these staff 'consultations' are a complete waste of time...but he's been in his office all morning working on our ideas."

Bureaucratic castle

Department of Infrastructure

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

Congratulations on winning the Inland Revenue Fiction Award.

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

Mr Pickwick and Sam in the Attorney's Office

Before we can rescue you...you need a safety check.

"For our market research, each package needs to be individually marked off and put over there."

Insufficient Postage

'I'm sorry, sir, this is the department of Immediate Dissatisfaction. Your appointment is with the Bureau of Eternal Frustration.'

'Of course you don't remember agreeing to see me regarding my time machine. You made the appointment next week.'

A dart board for the Federal Reserve's planning policy?

"We have all kinds of Regulatory Guidelines floating around."

'We've been looking into absences at our meetings and it turns out that Nigel died in 2006 and Trevor never actually worked here!'

EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE NOT REGISTERED WITH THE LOCAL POETRY OFFICE.